PLEASE NOTE: These are just my opinions and I have no intent to force them on anyone. If you disagree with any of my opinions, that's completely fine.
Hi everyone. Welcome back to my blog, where I review and recollect my thoughts on modern pop music (mostly). Today, I present to you my first individual song review. For these reviews, I will present a new grading system to depart from my incomplete Top 40 review in which I average out my thoughts on the lyrics, the instrumentation, and overall vocal performance to give it an overall score after reviewing each element individually. Here is how the songs will be rated when given a certain score using The Double Agent's scale (as shown below):
Awful Song (0/5) - A song that has barely if any redeeming qualities and one I feel is awful in my opinion.
Bad Song (1/5) - A song that I feel has extremely few redeeming qualities, although most of its factors at least don't stretch far into the awfulness of the shit tier.
Mediocre Song (2/5) - A song I would tolerate, but one I would never come back to due to the less-than-average performance of most if not all of the song's factors.
Decent Song (3/5) - A song I would actively defend, as I find most if not all of its qualities to be at least satisfactory enough for me to handle it through an entire listen. I still wouldn't actively seek these songs out most of the time though.
Good Song (4/5) - A song I will actively seek out as I feel the song's elements execute its intention well. To me, it still has some flaws that prevent it from being a great song.
Great Song (5/5) - A song I actively enjoy and will remember when I look back on the year the song was released. These songs have a special place in my heart and have the honor of making my heavy rotation playlists.
Now that the requirements and overview have been cleared, let's get on with the review!
No by Meghan Trainor
Where do I even begin with this song? This is a huge contender for the worst song of 2016 for me. Nearly everything about this song infuriates me to no possible end. To get a glimpse on why I feel this song is an abomination, we need to break down the song's major elements.
The Production: This is another example of Meghan's failed attempts at retro pandering. While I do understand it tried to emulate the iconic 90's pop sound used by artists like Britney Spears and NSYNC, the execution turns out to be a trainwreck for me. To start, the guitars in this track sound processed as hell to the point where they are one of the main elements that ignite my hatred of the song. The guitar lines during the verses sound extremely generic and corporate, with the distortion filter being piled on top of each streak. However, it's the alarm-like mixing of the guitars in the chorus that infuriate me to no end with them being a major annoyance especially when combined with whistle-like synths, feeling like they were added last minute as they are very present in the mix. As for the percussion, with the exception of some bass drum machines, bells, and snaps, it is basically a non-presence in the song, with most of the focus being on Meghan's voice and not on the instrumental elements. I feel like snare drums should definitely have been added to make the song more complete. To sum up the production, it feels overproduced yet unfinished. For that, it receives a 0.5/5 from me.
The Lyrics: This is where the main problem of the song kicks in for me. Just like Dear Future Husband and All About That Bass, the lyrics twist an important message and turn the subject matter into a butchered moral. At the beginning of the song, she insults the man who tries to approach her. The problem is that the man in question is never perceived to be someone who is mean, and instead it's framed as if he just wants to get Meghan's attention and approach her normally, so Meghan's attitude in the introduction comes off as mean-spirited. While I understand rejecting a person with no shame, the way I see Meghan's perspective is that she takes it to levels of stupidity when following up with the "My name is No" chorus, which she uses to downright humiliate the man in question. Meghan later becomes even more cynical in the verses, believing that the man is purely motivated by the self-interest of getting into her pants, as evidenced by the line "I don't need your hands all over me". What is even more infuriating to me is the pre-chorus, where she gives off vibes of manipulation by addressing other women to directly reject any man that comes across them by ridiculing him with the mindset that he is only approaching them to get into their pants. When it comes to the lyrics, they receive a 0/5.
The Vocals: Let me state that I feel Meghan Trainor has a lot of potential going in a more soulful direction in her music. Her hit song from 2015, "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" with John Legend proved to me that she has the raw pipes needed to carry a soulful number with great intensity and emotion, as she and John Legend's voices blended seamlessly to me on that track. However, a main problem I frequently have with Meghan Trainor is that she does not know how to use her vocals properly in my eyes. For example, in "All About That Bass", she sings the chorus and raps using her irritating nasal voice, which really turns me off as it comes off to me like she is trying too hard to fit in with the Hip-Hop demographic. This problem is extremely present in "No", where with the exception of the introduction and the outro she uses her nasal voice which to me is a major factor of the negative charisma she gives off in some of her songs. Again, I understand the song's attempted venture into 90's pop, but her performance is really distracting in a demeaning fashion, making the song feel like a mix of sounds from two different time periods that shouldn't work together. As many others have stated, one of the only moments in this song where she captures that 90's flair is the "Untouchable" outro. However, it just comes off as an odd addition to the song to me when combined with the personally abysmal chorus and verses. The vocals in this song receive a 1/5.
Overall Thoughts: I feel like this song is another example of Meghan Trainor wasting her potential on the shameless retro-pandering with botched morals she is notorious for. Her nasal vocals combined with the cynical lyrics give off impressions of negative charisma to me throughout the song, especially when concerning the manipulative pre-chorus. The production is a cluttered mess, with minimal percussion and processed guitars that make the song feel overproduced yet incomplete at the same time. This is one of those songs that I genuinely cringe at the thought of listening to due to the poor execution of the elements described above. For me, this song as a whole receives a 0.5/5.
I'm Some Random Pop Nerd, giving my opinions on modern music as constructively as possible. Until then, peace!
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