Billboard Top 20 Hot Country Songs (Week of October 22, 2016) Ranking/Review

Welcome back to my blog, Some Random Pop Nerd, where we take a look at the popular music of the past and present! Wow, it's been a while since I last posted, isn't it? Summer vacation is over, and the new school year is in session for many people across the world. Overall, the transition has been so goddamn stressful, and I can't wait until school ends again. Getting back to the topic at hand, around a week ago, I posted up a poll on twitter (which btw is @randompopnerd) on what my next post should be, so let's take a look at the results!!!!!

*sigh* FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Guys, I'm not looking forward to this, I really am not. Now admittedly, I don't have much experience with country music, so you might wanna take my opinions with a grain of salt. However, from what I heard of the country music popular on the charts, I think a good chunk of it is either mediocre or it blows hard, with very few exceptions. For example, on one end of the spectrum, there's "Mama's Broken Heart" by Miranda Lambert, a song which I personally think is one of the best hits of 2013 and shows genuine emotion and effort in the performance, lyrics, and production. However, on the other side of the spectrum, you have extremely generic, charmless, and fabricated shit like "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line, which embodies the Bro-Country genre that came to plague country music soon after its release in 2012. Since that wave died around a year ago, I tried to be optimistic about the country charts this time, but holy shit does some of this stuff blow. Without further ado, prepare your cyanide pills as you venture with me in the mediocre hell that is the country charts, starting with......

THE SHIT TIER (0/5)

#20: Blue Ain't Your Color by Keith Urban

*large sigh* Now look, I've heard lots of praise surrounding Keith Urban, such as his humility and charisma which made him a breath of fresh air in popular country to many. For some reason, I couldn't find the time to explore Keith Urban's music, so once again, take my opinion with a grain of salt. As I was scrolling through the country charts, I was tempted to check out this song, and what did I find?
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FUCKTHISSONGFUCKTHISSONGFUCKTHISSONGFUCKTHISSONGFUCKTHISSONGFUCKTHISSONGGAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHUHU#*$FH(INCJ NECUINCNJSJJCJNCJERROR404

(boi calm down)

*trying to relieve myself* oo... okay..... Where to fucking begin?????? I guess we should start with the most tolerable element of the song, which is the production. It's soooooo fucking abysmal, with the melody trying to resemble waltz songs and failing miserably at it, the atrociously cheap drum machine with its extremely dull bass drums, snares, and whoosing effects, and do I even have to mention the extremely cheap keys trying to resemble strings and that 'vintage-style' guitar that comes in haphazardly and tries to help the song pass itself as country? Then we have Keith Urban himself, who does sound decent vocally and does earnestly sell the emotion of the song, but the reason I feel the production is the most tolerable element of the song and not the vocals is because OH MY GOD THESE FUCKING LYRICS!! Keith's vocal performance becomes unbearable once you understand the meaning of these asinine lyrics, since it indicates that he stands by the following immoral premise. Basically, the premise of these lyrics is that Keith sees a lonely girl in a bar and decides to hit on her DESPITE THE GODDAMN FACT THAT HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER AND HAVING THE ASSUMPTION THAT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!!!! Seriously, look at this chorus and try to tell me that Keith isn't trying to convince this woman to dump her boyfriend for her!!!

Blue looks good on the sky

Looks good on that neon buzzin’ on the wall

But darling, it don’t match your eyes

I’m tellin’ you

You don’t need that guy

It’s so black and white

He’s stealin’ your thunder

Baby, blue ain’t your color

Okay, okay OKAY HERE!!!! In this chorus, Keith flat out insults this girl's appearance and tries to convince her to dump her boyfriend. Fucking wonderful. However, what really pisses me off are these lines in the second verse:

I’m not trying to be another just

Pick you up kinda guy

Tryna drink you up

Tryna take you home

...and then stating this in the outro:

Come here baby, let me light up your world

Dude. You just convinced this girl to dump her boyfriend, you're trying to impress her by seemingly contradicting yourself by stating that you aren't like the other douchebags, and at the end you try to force this woman onto you by hypocritically stating that you could treat her better.
WHATTHEACTUALFUCKISTHISSHIT!!!!!! I haven't heard lyrics this asinine ever since Shawn Mendes' "Treat You Better"! Do you know what the sad part is? The song's aforementioned drunken sentiment could have had the potential to spark some well-constructed songwriting, maybe potentially building up to a situation where Keith suddenly realizes his mistakes and sobers up again. However, as is, this is the type of corporate pandering shit that's made to swoon over women, and this shit gets a well deserved spot in the bottom of my shit tier. I can only hope that this shit doesn't become a crossover hit in 2017, because if it does, it has a spot solidified on my worst list for next year. NEXT!!!!!!!

#19: I Know Somebody By LoCash

Who here remembers LoCash's other hit from the 2015 Billboard chart year, "I Love This Life"?
*crickets* *crickets*

Huh, nobody? Neither do I, since these guys are basically a flash-in-the-pan pop "country" duo who I don't see being remembered in the future. Anyway, onto this song. It's absolute garbage, with extremely sterile and ultra-processed production. To me, this song is the ultimate representation of radio pandering and blandness in country music, as the lyrics are basically your generic anthem about picking up a girl (with the singers describing themselves in third-person perspective as that 'somebody), the charisma-lacking vocals are slathered in autotune (especially in the chorus), the production is as cluttered as ever with emphasis on percussion over melody, a sterile drum machine with claps, and repetitive guitar melodies all over the place that just make for one giant clusterfuck of a song that sounds like a very low quality mp3 file. Overall, I really don't have much to say since this is basically just bland radio filler intended for the masses. NEXT!!!!

Looks like we move on to....

THE BAD TIER (1/5)

#18: Move by Luke Bryan

So Luke Bryan has another country hit. Now let me state for the record that I'm not really a fan of Luke Bryan. Although I love Drink A Beer (which I feel is a very sentimental and emotionally powerful song about the loss of a loved one), from what I heard of Luke Bryan's other singles, they were just pandering as hell. For example, "That's My Kind of Night" hopped on the bro-country trend in a very obnoxious way, and "Kick The Dust Up" was basically an all-out generic shitfest, with cliched lyrics and sterile production that made it a contender for my personal list of the worst hit songs of 2015. Now, a year has passed since then, and Luke Bryan's other hit single "Huntin, Fishin, & Lovin' Everyday" was decent enough. However, when I saw that Luke Bryan's current single was titled "Move", I became very worried that Luke Bryan would make another "Country Girl (Shake It For Me)", and I was right. The lyrics are basically the same shit, as Luke Bryan throws around cringingly awful pick-up lines such as "Your mama packed y'all up and moved you to the south" to seduce a girl into shaking her ass for him. The production is a complete fucking disaster, with that oh-so triggering drum machine prevalent throughout that entire song badly mixed with a clusterfuck of guitars that try to remotely pass as country. I swear, the mixing of this song creates clearly audible distortion in my headphones that makes my head fucking nauseous! The only good merit I can say about this song is that Luke Bryan is a decent enough singer, but other than that, this is your typical bro-country anthem about sleazy seduction. NEXT!!!!

#17: Rock On by Tucker Beathard

So apparently, one of the newest acts in modern mainstream country is Tucker Beathard. No, I'm not fucking kidding, that's his name. I could go on about how his name makes him sound like a pornstar but we need to get to how this guy reached around the record executives to make it in mainstream country radio. Now the first thing you might notice about this song is HOW GRATING TUCKER'S VOICE IS!!!! I swear, this dude has the vocal pipes of a castrated tortoise who's entering the ninth layer of hell! As for the lyrics.... I haven't seen lyrics this pissy ever since We Don't Talk Anymore, and wow it shows! Now, I get the sentiment of missing your girlfriend who left to pursue a career, but Jesus Christ dude you didn't have to flat-out insult this girl for changing her lifestyle! I mean, in the first verse Tucker states that he misses his girlfriend wholeheartedly, but wow TALK ABOUT WHIPLASH IN THE GODDAMN CHORUS WHERE TUCKER FLAT-OUT TELLS THIS GIRL TO MOVE ON!!! This sort of pissiness becomes especially apparent in the lines:

Yeah, I do a lotta thinking about wanting you back
But I don't know about all dolled up like that
If my homegrown country girl's long gone
Then baby rock on, rock on

WAY TO FUCKING BREAK THE EMOTION OF THE SONG YOU ASSHOLE! I swear, these lyrics just make me extremely nauseous, especially combined with the disgusting vocal performance. Now as for the production, I guess it's alright, and those guitars sound passable but HOLY FUCK DRUM MACHINES AND SYNTHESIZERS IN COUNTRY SONGS TRIGGER ME!!! Actually, no, wait! Why is this in the country charts at all?? This shit is basically post-grunge and there's no hint of country in this song at all. You know what? I'm just gonna move on before I write an essay on how un-country this song is. NEXT!!!!!

#16: H.O.L.Y. - Florida Georgia Line

Zzzzzz... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......... Huh? What?!! Oh my God this song is so goddamn boring. Let's start with the instrumentation, which is basically just 3 minutes of generic piano ballad chords and very little guitar to make the song sound "country". In other words, the instrumentation is your typical  pop piano ballad made to fill the charts. As for the vocals, well they are audible, but there's not much to them beside the slight country twang and the irritating processing on the chorus, and they sure as hell aren't selling the emotion. However, by far the worst part about this song is the lyrics, where at first seem like your typical ballad about how a random girl somehow became these guys' saving grace, but then you get to the chorus..... Dear God, this chorus is just grrrooooooooossssss!! Seriously, high on loving you??? Just the very fact that these words represent the acronym HOLY in the song just sounds incredibly filthy. Oh, but we're not done yet! Just you wait until the second verse, where these guys try to coerce this girl into sex and "Get you singing babe, hallelujah". Do I even need to mention how embarrassing this verse is? It's like they found a random book in the nearest small town library about corny-ass pickup lines. This song is just boring and asinine on so many levels that I'm high on leaving this song. Yeah, I know that was a terrible joke but whatever, NEXT!!!!!

#15: Song For Another Time - Old Dominion

So after the trash heap that was "Snapback", Old Dominion are back with another single called "Song With Another Time", and I'll be honest, there's really nothing to this song. Extremely generic "country" production with that triggering drum machine, generically executed sentiment about missing a girl, and very uninspired and flat vocals. All in all, it's just a borefest of a song. So you may be asking yourselves, why did I put this in the bad tier? Well, it's because of how ungodly cheesy and cringeworthy these lyrics are, trying desperately pander to various audiences by name-dropping various songs to the point where it just sounds like monotonous hell. Yeah, I don't have much else to say. Next!

Now we move on to.....

THE MEH TIER (2/5)

If I don't have much to say about the following songs then I apologize in advance.

#14: Lovin' Lately - Big & Rich ft Tim McGraw

So, this is a song. I mean, the guitar production on this song sounds pleasant enough, especially the occasional delay licks and that decent enough mini-solo. The oh-so prevalent drum machine is there, and the vocals are pretty generic and congealed to the point where I can't tell Big, Rich, and Tim McGraw apart. The lyrics are your standard ballad about being worried that your lover is seeing someone else since she never responded to you in a long time. Yeah, again not much to say, so I'm just gonna move on.

#13: May We All - Florida Georgia Line ft Tim McGraw

So this is Florida Georgia Line's second single off their newest album, "Dig Your Roots". Well, it's certainly better than "H.O.L.Y." but not by much. Sure, I do like the guitars in the mix, especially that twangy guitar in the introduction, and FGL and Tim McGraw give off serviceable vocal performances. However, the issues I have with this song come in some of the lyrics and a production choice, that being the trap snares in the mix, which is especially prevalent and in-your face in the chorus and mini guitar solo. As for the lyrics, while I do note that FGL and McGraw are trying to call back to their country childhoods, they go off into some embarrassing tangents. For example, in the chorus, the line "Play the Travis Tritt right above the 2Pac" seems pandering as hell, as it notes that FGL is still trying to reinforce the bro-country archetype that died off more than a year ago. Also, "Buy a cold sixer with a cashed in lotto, she's smilin' with her hair blowing out the window, where you 'bout to go?". Yeah, I don't think a song about calling back to your country roots shouldn't also call back to dead trends, just sayin'. Overall, this song would have been decent if FGL just stuck to reminiscing their country roots, but as is it's just pretty mediocre at best. Next!

Again, that was pretty fast! Now we move on to....

THE DECENT TIER (3/5)

yes... there are legitimately 12 songs in this chart that I don't mind.... I have no regrets.

#12: Setting The World On Fire by Kenny Chesney ft P!nk

One of the most noted comebacks of 2016 has been that of P!nk, a pop-rock artist who was very popular in the 2000s with hit songs such as "Sober", which I love to this day. This year, she was launched back into the mainstream consciousness with her underwhelming-as-hell Top 10 soundtrack hit, "Just Like Fire", for the boring-as-hell "Alice Through The Looking Glass" movie. Judging by the popularity of her comeback single, I had a sinking feeling that she would churn out manufactured shit instead of the focused brand of pop-rock she is known for. A few months later, country artist Kenny Chesney recruited her for this collaboration single, and how did it turn out? First off, I get why she was chosen for this duet, as P!nk's vocal tones have a deep, western feel to them, which makes them suitable for country music. As for the song itself, well, it's certainly passable, I'll give it that. Kenny and P!nk's vocals sound fine as they try to pull off that reminiscing vibe and while the lyrics are pretty generic by country standards (which are basically about the times they spent together doing activities such as going to bars or getting high), at least the lyrics try to inject some enthusiasm into the subject matter. The production is okay despite the infamous drum machine noticeably splattered throughout the song and the repetitive guitar melodies in the verses, but I really like the two bursts of guitar that come after the choruses. Overall, even though I don't mind this song, it's not something I'd want to come back to anytime soon. Next.

#11: Different For Girls by Dierks Bentley ft Elle King

As the second single from Dierks Bentley's eighth studio album, "Black", Dierks Bentley brought on Elle King, who had a major hit last year with "Ex's and Ohs" for this collaborative single. Now, I've heard a lot of controversy surrounding this song, with some people in the music community saying that it relies too heavily on gender stereotypes to get its point across. Well, even though I placed this song in the decent tier, I can't say they're entirely wrong. On the one hand, I do appreciate how the lyrics juxtapose the man and woman's point of view, trying to capture how they handle the aftermath of a breakup. However, the actions depicted in the lyrics really do come across as stereotypical, as men are depicted to drown their sorrows in alcohol and sex, whereas women are depicted to have a nervous breakdown after the end of the relationship. Like how Mark Grondin of Spectrum Pulse said, if these lyrics were tacked on with perspectives on how each former romantic partner could learn to cope from their experiences, then this song might have worked in justifying that post-breakup sentiment, but as is, the song feels incomplete and disjointed. As for the vocal performances, while both Bentley and King sound decent and I do understand that they are trying to express the melancholic tone of the song, both performers end up underplaying the sentiment when they should express it in a more emotional and intriguing manner (See how Pink questions her immoral decisions and tries to find her true purpose in life in "Sober"). The production, even despite that drum machine, sounds pretty relaxed with nice liquid guitar tones and western violins to carry the melancholy mood of the song. Overall, even though I understand the melancholic mood the song is trying to carry, the vocal performances and lyrics end up somewhat underplaying it, but combined with decent production, and you have another song that while I don't mind, I won't come back to anytime soon. Next.

(SPECIAL POST PREVIEW) National-Report Colombian Top 25 Review (Part 1 - #25 & #24) - Week of June 17 to June 23, 2016

PLEASE NOTE: Since I have a packed schedule I only have time to write two of these Colombian track reviews. The rest should be written and up by around three days.

Hi everyone and welcome back to Some Random Pop Nerd, where we take a look at the popular music of the past and present. Today, for this very special post I am excited to bring you a taste of pop music from my country of ethnicity, Colombia since I will be going for a 2-month family visit there in a couple weeks. Much like Billboard, Colombia uses the weekly National-Report charts which are published every Friday to average out the current popularity of each song. t\There also exist individual genre and English language charts, though only the Top 25 songs of the national chart and the Top 5 individual genre songs are released to the public unless you are a subscriber or if you use the mobile app. The chart we will be looking at is the National Top 25, which mostly comprises of Spanish-language Reggaeton songs. By the way, these songs will be scored using the same scale as the individual song reviews, but without me individually talking about the three major components of the song (Production, lyrics, and vocals) and instead combining my thoughts. Before we get started, I will provide links to both the English and Spanish versions of the lyrics for each songs on the original and translated titles of the songs (I do apologize in advance if I can't provide English-translated lyrics to some of these songs). Also, here is the link to the chart I will be reviewing: http://national-report.com/nacionalColombia.php

Now that that's out of the way, let's begin!

#25: Bailame Despacio (Dance Slowly With Me) - Xantos feautring Dynell: Relatively new to the Colombian Reggaeton scene, Xantos (good luck finding much information on him) made his breakthrough with this single, "Bailame Despacio", and how is it? Well, for one I do like the production, which incorporates an acoustic guitar lick that when combined with the thumping bass and the moog synthesizer creates a Summery reggae vibe. I feel like the production adds a lot of charisma to the song, helping the balance with Xantos' autotuned vocals that actually have some personality to them. As for the lyrical content, Dynell's verses and Xantos' chorus differ, with the chorus expressing the sentiment of taking the time to enjoy the company of one another in a romantic relationship. However, Dynell's verses completely miss the point of the song, with him delivering mediocre and interchangeable lines about trying to get into a girl's pants and getting her to shake her ass for him. It doesn't help that Dynell has no real charisma to back him up, with these lines sounding more bored than enthusiastic about the subject matter unlike Lil Jon, who always sounded like he was having a fun time. Also this lyric:

Pamela llegó tu Tommy Lee 

superentrenada así que traeme todo eso aquí

TR: Hey Pamela I'm your Tommy Lee

I hope this'll make you bring it over to me

Okay guys, if you feel the need to explain your pickup line, chances are that it's not really charismatic or convincing. Despite Dynell's charisma-lacking and mediocre verses, I can definitely bump to this track. It gets a 3.5/5.

#24: Duele El Corazon (The Heart Hurts) - Enrique Iglesias featuring Wisin: It's been a while since I last heard from Enrique Iglesias in the mainstream. His last major hit from 2014 "Bailando" left a positive impression on me, as I hoped he would stick to his Latin roots rather than his grating English-language pop career. Fast forward to 2016, where he drops "Duele El Corazon", reportedly the lead-off single from an upcoming album. Thankfully, this song for me is a prime example as to why Enrique should stick to his Latin roots. Rollicking acoustic and blues guitar licks, jumpy synths, thumping bass drums, and Enrique's trademark charisma perfectly capture the atmosphere of a vallenato-reggae fusion track. While the lyrics could be interpreted to fall in the "I'm a douche so I will steal your girl" category, Enrique actually gives the girl a choice to either leave or go with him if she decides her man is not sufficiently supportive of her. Wisin's charismatic and energetic rap verse also supports this despite the first couple of lines seeming forceful. Despite some lyrical flaws, this song gets a 4.5/5 from me.

New Hot 100 Entry Review (Shawn Mendes - Treat You Better)

Please Note: What I am about to write are my opinions on a certain song I heard. If you disagree with them, that's totally fine.

Welcome back to Some Random Pop Nerd where we take a look at the popular music of the past and present. Today, I would like to introduce another segment called "New Entry Impressions", in which I pick out some newly charting songs I want to express my thoughts in depth on. Today on the table, we have "Treat You Better" by Shawn Mendes, which debuted on the Billboard Hot 100 at position #34 as of this writing.

If any of you follow teen pop or the mainstream charts, you would know that Canadian singer Shawn Mendes managed to snag a few hits with "Stitches" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer". Shawn Mendes was one of the many people pampered to replace Justin Bieber in his place as a famous teen idol.

Artist Impressions: What did I think of Shawn Mendes beforehand? To be honest, I thought that like some of these teen idol performers, Shawn Mendes had a lot of potential to undergo a decent career producing satisfactory material. I really liked his celebration anthem "Something Big", which sadly never became a huge hit in the American mainstream. However, when he released "Stitches" into the American mainstream, I initially thought it was a good enough song, but it wore off on me once I examined the Bieber undertones in the writing and the somewhat awkward production, balancing the acoustic guitar with the mandolin and Shawn's somewhat grating vocals. (I don't think it's bad, just pretty mediocre) His duet with Fifth Harmony singer Camilla Cabello "I Know What You Did Last Summer" also hit the airwaves, and I really disliked it for having oversaturated production and weak performances from both singers, as I felt the song had a lot of potential due to it's lyrics that depict a relationship from both perspectives. Needless to say, I was somewhat worried when I found out he released his new single, "Treat You Better". What do I think of it?

In all my days of reviewing and analyzing music, I had rarely come across something as utterly reprehensible as "Treat You Better". Imagine subtle Chris Brown levels of douchebaggery that he demonstrates in songs such as "Loyal" slathered with overly synthetic production and grating vocals. Those are my perceptions of the song itself.

The Production: Like I stated before, I think the production is an overly synthetic mess. To start, there are synthesizer keys substituting for guitars throughout the song. This bothers me especially as I can clearly hear the sound of a guitar creaking in the background. What happened, couldn't you afford an acoustic guitar? The percussion is also a wreck, with the reverb on the snare drums watering down every other element except the guitar and vocals, making it sound like a cluttered mess with the sound quality of a 128kbps mp3. The stereo panning of some of the percussion also turns me off, with elements such as the delayed snares giving off the vibe that the stereo expander was applied to it, making it sound very out of place to me. This is the kind of production that always irritates me in modern pop music, with the musical elements of the song being congealed into one giant disorganized mess. This production gets a 0.5/5.

The Lyrics: Oooh boy, these lyrics are a goddamn trainwreck. Shawn tries to frame the situation as if the girl he approaches is having an abusive relationship with her boyfriend, but instead, like I stated before, the subtle Chris Brown levels of douchebaggery were too much to ignore for me. We are just told that Shawn approaches the girl because he wants to "treat her better". For one, this screams of the typical 'steal your girl' cliche in some brag-rap songs sugarcoated to subtlety so that Mendes' fans would eat it up anyway, as he never made it clear for what reason he approaches the girl despite framing it like I stated above. The lines "Tell me why are we wasting time and all on your wasted crime when you should be with me instead" and "Baby, just to wake up with you would be everything I need and this could be so different. Tell me what you want to do" drive this point home, as they reek of desperation to get into this girl's pants. To further drive the point home, the rest of these lyrics only consist of the cliched trope of "Be with me instead of him" in romance songs with no new spin added to them, leading me to believe that he's just reciting a romance poem he found in a guidebook as a way to capture her attention. The asinine quality of these lyrics mean they get a 0/5.

The Vocals: Oh Christ, the vocals. Remember how I stated Mendes' vocals could get somewhat grating in "Stitches"? Well he pushes it to the absolute limit here, to the point where he also hits some off notes that make his voice crack. However, compared to how the vocals play off the lyrics, that's only the least of my worries. In the verses, Shawn's vocals are very weak and unconvincing, with him sticking to his lower range but without any of the energy that made "Something Big" enjoyable. However, it's the choruses and the bridge that push me to my limit, as instead of coming off as sympathetic like the song intended to, Mendes' vocals reek of fretfulness and unbearable desperation as he sticks to his more grating high vocal range. This reminds me of Simple Plan's wailing attempt at "pop-punk", where they came off as more whiny than sympathetic. These vocals receive a 0.5/5.

Overall Thoughts: In conclusion, I think this song is a trainwreck from top to bottom. When the whiny vocals are combined with the demeaning lyrics and the atrociously mixed production, it makes for one giant shitfest of a song. This is Shawn Mendes' worst single to date, where his lyrical content crosses over to Sam Hunt levels of disgust and WGWAG douchebag territory. If this becomes a bigger hit, it is a huge contender for my Worst Hit Songs of 2016 list. This song as a whole receives a 0.33/5.

I'm Some Random Pop Nerd, giving my thoughts on pop music as constructively as possible. Until next time, peace!

Meghan Trainor - "No" Song Review

PLEASE NOTE: These are just my opinions and I have no intent to force them on anyone. If you disagree with any of my opinions, that's completely fine.

Hi everyone. Welcome back to my blog, where I review and recollect my thoughts on modern pop music (mostly). Today, I present to you my first individual song review. For these reviews, I will present a new grading system to depart from my incomplete Top 40 review in which I average out my thoughts on the lyrics, the instrumentation, and overall vocal performance to give it an overall score after reviewing each element individually. Here is how the songs will be rated when given a certain score using The Double Agent's scale (as shown below):

Awful Song (0/5) - A song that has barely if any redeeming qualities and one I feel is awful in my opinion.

Bad Song (1/5) - A song that I feel has extremely few redeeming qualities, although most of its factors at least don't stretch far into the awfulness of the shit tier.

Mediocre Song (2/5) - A song I would tolerate, but one I would never come back to due to the less-than-average performance of most if not all of the song's factors.

Decent Song (3/5) - A song I would actively defend, as I find most if not all of its qualities to be at least satisfactory enough for me to handle it through an entire listen. I still wouldn't actively seek these songs out most of the time though.

Good Song (4/5) - A song I will actively seek out as I feel the song's elements execute its intention well. To me, it still has some flaws that prevent it from being a great song.

Great Song (5/5) - A song I actively enjoy and will remember when I look back on the year the song was released. These songs have a special place in my heart and have the honor of making my heavy rotation playlists.

Now that the requirements and overview have been cleared, let's get on with the review!

No by Meghan Trainor

Where do I even begin with this song? This is a huge contender for the worst song of 2016 for me. Nearly everything about this song infuriates me to no possible end. To get a glimpse on why I feel this song is an abomination, we need to break down the song's major elements.

The Production: This is another example of Meghan's failed attempts at retro pandering. While I do understand it tried to emulate the iconic 90's pop sound used by artists like Britney Spears and NSYNC, the execution turns out to be a trainwreck for me. To start, the guitars in this track sound processed as hell to the point where they are one of the main elements that ignite my hatred of the song. The guitar lines during the verses sound extremely generic and corporate, with the distortion filter being piled on top of each streak. However, it's the alarm-like mixing of the guitars in the chorus that infuriate me to no end with them being a major annoyance especially when combined with whistle-like synths, feeling like they were added last minute as they are very present in the mix. As for the percussion, with the exception of some bass drum machines, bells, and snaps, it is basically a non-presence in the song, with most of the focus being on Meghan's voice and not on the instrumental elements. I feel like snare drums should definitely have been added to make the song more complete. To sum up the production, it feels overproduced yet unfinished. For that, it receives a 0.5/5 from me.

The Lyrics: This is where the main problem of the song kicks in for me. Just like Dear Future Husband and All About That Bass, the lyrics twist an important message and turn the subject matter into a butchered moral. At the beginning of the song, she insults the man who tries to approach her. The problem is that the man in question is never perceived to be someone who is mean, and instead it's framed as if he just wants to get Meghan's attention and approach her normally, so Meghan's attitude in the introduction comes off as mean-spirited. While I understand rejecting a person with no shame, the way I see Meghan's perspective is that she takes it to levels of stupidity when following up with the "My name is No" chorus, which she uses to downright humiliate the man in question. Meghan later becomes even more cynical in the verses, believing that the man is purely motivated by the self-interest of getting into her pants, as evidenced by the line "I don't need your hands all over me". What is even more infuriating to me is the pre-chorus, where she gives off vibes of manipulation by addressing other women to directly reject any man that comes across them by ridiculing him with the mindset that he is only approaching them to get into their pants. When it comes to the lyrics, they receive a 0/5.

The Vocals: Let me state that I feel Meghan Trainor has a lot of potential going in a more soulful direction in her music. Her hit song from 2015, "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" with John Legend proved to me that she has the raw pipes needed to carry a soulful number with great intensity and emotion, as she and John Legend's voices blended seamlessly to me on that track. However, a main problem I frequently have with Meghan Trainor is that she does not know how to use her vocals properly in my eyes. For example, in "All About That Bass", she sings the chorus and raps using her irritating nasal voice, which really turns me off as it comes off to me like she is trying too hard to fit in with the Hip-Hop demographic. This problem is extremely present in "No", where with the exception of the introduction and the outro she uses her nasal voice which to me is a major factor of the negative charisma she gives off in some of her songs. Again, I understand the song's attempted venture into 90's pop, but her performance is really distracting in a demeaning fashion, making the song feel like a mix of sounds from two different time periods that shouldn't work together. As many others have stated, one of the only moments in this song where she captures that 90's flair is the "Untouchable" outro. However, it just comes off as an odd addition to the song to me when combined with the personally abysmal chorus and verses. The vocals in this song receive a 1/5.

Overall Thoughts: I feel like this song is another example of Meghan Trainor wasting her potential on the shameless retro-pandering with botched morals she is notorious for. Her nasal vocals combined with the cynical lyrics give off impressions of negative charisma to me throughout the song, especially when concerning the manipulative pre-chorus. The production is a cluttered mess, with minimal percussion and processed guitars that make the song feel overproduced yet incomplete at the same time. This is one of those songs that I genuinely cringe at the thought of listening to due to the poor execution of the elements described above. For me, this song as a whole receives a 0.5/5.

I'm Some Random Pop Nerd, giving my opinions on modern music as constructively as possible. Until then, peace!

Hidden Billboard Gems - Light It Up (Remix) by Major Lazer featuring Nyla & Fuse ODG

Welcome back to my blog titled Some Random Pop Nerd, where I take a look at the popular music of today and sometimes examine rarer music (which we will get to in a few months). Today, I would like to introduce a new segment titled "Hidden Billboard Gems". In this segment, we will take a look at songs at the bottom half of the Billboard Hot 100 which I feel don't have the traction they deserve. For the first entry in this segment, we will take a look at a song that has been flipping around and constantly gaining and dropping positions in the #70-90 range. The song I will be talking about to introduce this segment is the remixed version of Major Lazer's "Light It Up", featuring vocals from Jamaican Reggae singer Nyla and British Hip-Hop artist Fuse ODG.

I have been raving about this song for a while ever since I heard it being featured on the extended edition of Major Lazer's album "Peace Is The Mission", and for me it was one of its standouts, along with the smash hit "Lean On", "Powerful", and "Be Together" (all of which are songs I highly recommend). Since the version of the song I am talking about is a remix, I might as well address how it compares to the original version. I think it is a huge improvement on the original. While the original version follows a grandiose drum pattern with space-flavored synthesizers piled on top of it, I felt that Nyla's vocals became grating as the autotune became a heavily expressed element in the song and it felt too slow and cluttered to embrace the celebratory mood of the song. The remix on the other hand, improves on the song by wholeheartedly capturing the joyous mood the song was trying to go for, ditching the slow drum patterns for a more fast-paced reggae/dancehall fusion sound with an awesome horn line to back it up. Another major positive for the remix is that due to the fact the tempo is faster, Nyla's autotuned vocals aren't as grating and they actually bring out a lot of the Caribbean flair the song has going for it. Sure the lyrics aren't all that special and follow the "feel the groove" trope present in dance music, but what more do you want from a dance track with a catchy vibe and energetic instrumentation? Fuse ODG's verse and pre-chorus represent his great ability as a hype man, especially when he recites his countdown before the drop with that kick-ass trumpet line hits.

Overall, I really hope this song can be a part of the trend of being among the few reggae songs becoming popular in America. It improves on the original by injecting a more Caribbean flair with active instrumentation and a great hype man, providing excitement during the build-up to the drop. This is one of the songs I feel genuinely come close to capturing that authentic Jamaican dancehall/electronica vibe. I hope that as soon the the hype for Drake's VIEWS album disappears from the Billboard Hot 100, this song can become a huge hit amongst American audiences when the summer months hit. This track receives an A from me and I highly recommend that all of you check this song out. Until next time, peace! Links to check out the song are below.

This song is available on:

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/42LmC14TPVKWKiGo4jNWT7
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/peace-is-the-mission-extended/id1056418024
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Major_Lazer_Light_It_Up_Remix_feat_Nyla_Fuse_ODG?id=B5udfjyiqjrhobo772si2mcy7pu

Prince - Art Official Age (Track-By-Track Album Review)

"Wait a few days before you waste any prayers."

Those were Prince's last words to his fans when he performed his last concert on April 17, 2016, and coming from him, it was a sign that his death was only a few days away. On April 21, 2016 at 10:03 A.M., Prince was found dead inside his Paisley Park Studios complex from currently unknown causes. Many fans, including myself were in disbelief when we heard the news about Prince's unexpected death, as Prince reportedly maintained a healthy lifestyle. To us, Prince defined what it meant to be a musical icon, with him working day after day recording song after song, with reportedly most of his material being locked away in his famous Vault. He was very passionate about his chosen profession, and you can tell in the tight instrumentation and charisma in his music that he truly enjoyed the time he spent creating musical classics such as the platinum-selling "Purple Rain" and the groundbreaking "Sign O' The Times". To fully appreciate Prince's genius and contributions to music as a whole, instead of reviewing any of his well-known albums, I have decided to take a step further and delve into his final works, with one of them being an album titled "Art Official Age", which was released alongside the rock-flavored "PlectrumElectrum" on September 30, 2014. I will review each song and give it a grade, and when I average out all the song grades, my overall album grade will be calculated. Also, before we get started, I'm counting "Affirmation 1&2" and "Way Back Home" as one whole song as the two "Affirmations" segue into "Way Back Home" and I feel they better fit into the context of the album when played together. With that being said, let's get started with:

Track #1 - Art Official Cage - The album starts off with the self-titled track that has a Danish vocal intro from 3rdEyeGirl member Ida Nielsen welcoming the listener. The instrumentation kicks off with an atmospheric synthesizer, piano line, and percussion, but after a small synth and drum breakdown, the track ascends into EDM-flavored funk with tightly-controlled slap bass and funk guitars accompanied with electronic percussion and semi-dubstep synthlines. The lyrics of the song consist of breaking free from your worries, having a fun time and looking optimistically towards your future. The track ends with an awesome orchestration with strings and a guitar solo. In my opinion, this is a perfect club banger that balances electronic and funk elements very well. I give this track an A.

Track #2 - Clouds featuring Lianne La Havas - This track is a duet with up-and-coming UK R&B singer Lianne La Havas. In this song, Prince describes how unexpected romanticism feels and his thoughts of time being unconventional, with Prince stating the harsh realities of living in a new generation, searching for love. Lianne's verse summarizes the idea of the lyrics, that with so much hate in the world, it's a challenge to find true love. As for the production, I really like the 90's R&B throwback style,  with the synthesized bass and piano creating a relaxing atmosphere, and it progresses seamlessly to a violin and drum breakdown and an ending guitar solo that kicks all amounts of ass. A.

Track #3 - The Breakdown - I'm kinda conflicted on this track. For one, I really admire Prince's strong performance on this song, with his falsetto and screams on point as if he really was suspended in time (as the aforementioned "Clouds" mentions), and he demonstrates a lot of emotion when singing about how a broken relationship makes him wish that he could relive his older memories. However, I could go without the first two lines "Listen to me closely as the story unfolds. This could be the saddest story ever been told" that makes Prince sound like he wants attention, and the synthesizers & lasers that replace violins, which for me don't fit in context of a depressing break-up song. This song gets a very high B+.

Track #4 - The Gold Standard - This song right here is the embodiment of Prince maintaining the tight grooves and youthfulness of classic Prince. It's a funky jam accompanied by slap bass, trumpets, and synthesizers that remind me of Controversy-era Prince. Prince is very optimistic about having a great time partying without resorting to raunchy actions such as nudity and forgetting your troubles while getting into the groove of the music. I wish Prince would have released this as a single so "Uptown Funk" could have gotten a run for its money. This gets an A.

Track #5 - U Know - This is a very strange song. To start, Prince samples Mila J's "Blinded" (Mila J is Jhene Aiko's older sibling by the way), and you know you're doing great when he samples you. Prince loops the sample and adds his own touches such as backmasking at points, and when combined with his slightly autotuned sing-rap delivery, it gives off a somber gangsta rap atmosphere which I really like. The lyrics are a nice story of Prince being attracted to another man's girl, and while that subject matter may sound douchey in the hands of someone like Chris Brown, he handles it well by actually describing the point of view of the girl who ends up attracted to him as well. A.

Track #6 - Breakfast Can Wait - This song was released as a single back in 2013, and to me it feels a bit like a demo. Not saying it's bad, as I actually do like the song with the smooth slap bass and keyboard placed through the entirety of the song. In this song, Prince convinces his lover to make love to him using his smooth charisma, and I'm fine with that subject matter as he excels in making sex songs. However, what drags the song down for me is that chipmunk voice at the end of the song that grates on my nerves. Overall, a very decent song dragged down by an annoying final verse. this gets a B.

Track #7 - This Could Be Us - Here we have one of the songs Prince used to promote this album, and it's based off the popular "This could be us, but you be playin' " meme. Now you might think that this is pretty ridiculous, but Prince actually connects the meme to the idea of an aspiring relationship not working how it's supposed to pretty well. He describes the woman as someone who isn't ready for a relationship, and Prince tries his best to convince her that he's always there for her. As for the instrumentation, unlike Breakfast Can Wait before it, This Could Be Us actually sounds like a complete song, having that minimalist 90's R&B charm while showing off great guitar work near the end of the song, elevating the song's fullness and tying every element well. This gets an A.

Track #8 - What It Feels Like featuring Andy Allo - Another one of the duets on the album, Prince and Andy have loads of chemistry on this song, as they share backing vocals, exchange verses, and sing together on the chorus seamlessly. Although Prince and Andy's performances are solid, I feel like the production could have been better, as the combination of synth bass, electronic percussion, a sometimes appearing guitar, and synth notes that sometimes appear feel somewhat incomplete. Again, I realize this song is aiming towards that recognizable R. Kelly R&B sound, but I feel like some reverb could have been added on to some of the elements to make it a great song. Still, very decent work. I give it a B.

Tracks 9 & 10 - Affirmation 1 & 2 + Way Back Home - I'll just say it right here. This is one of the best songs Prince has ever recorded in his life, and also one of the most depressing, as the connection between this song's lyrics and his death is pretty apparent. In this song, Prince feels insecure about his place in this world, but he tries to maintain his optimism as he tries to find a reason to live for. However, the lines that hit me in the gut were "Most people in this world are born dead, but I was born alive", which say that while some people don't take full advantage of their lives, Prince enjoys his life for as long as he can knowing his time will run out soon, and knowing what happened to him on April 21 makes this lyric more reasonable, as Prince's health was declining at the time. As for the production, it comes together beautifully, with female backing vocals, backmasked claps, spacey synthesizers, and grandiose percussion creating the illusion that Prince is moving on to a better life. This song undoubtedly gets an A+.

Track #11 - Funknroll (Joshua Welton Remix) - Apparently, two versions of FunkNRoll were released, with the more rock oriented version ending up on PlectrumElectrum and the electronic remix ending up here, and man is it such a letdown compared to the original and the rest of Art Official Age. I won't discuss the lyrical content since this is a remix meant to fit in with the album, but even though I realize it was leaning towards a trap-flavored feel, it just doesn't work for me. We begin with the same energetic intro filled with guitars, only for it to jarringly transition to a weak beat with a minimal trap synthesizer and oddly placed guitar samples that don't belong in the song. Hell, Prince's vocals don't complement this production well at all, and they are meant for edgier, heavier material. The only good thing I can say about this remix is the ending synthesizer solo, which was a huge relief after listening to the monotonous beat. I could see this wearing out on me soon, but for now it's a C, and it's only because of that ending synth solo which kicks ass.

Track #12 - Time featuring Andy Allo - Andy Allo makes a second appearance on this album, with another duet, and thankfully this is a huge relief after sitting through the FunkNRoll remix. Once again, Prince and Andy have loads of chemistry as they sing about finally starting a relationship after longing for each other for so long. They bring loads of soulful charisma to the table as they exchange verses where they sing about needing each other to fill the void of their loneliness. As for the production, it's really stellar, with atmospheric synthesizers doing a great job at setting a seductive atmosphere and Prince just killing it with a bass solo in the middle of the song. The slow percussion also adds to that minimalist charm that makes the song feel really complete with the elements complimenting each other very well. I give this an A.

Track #13 - Affirmation 3 (Way Back Home instrumental) - As the last song on the album, this serves as an outro to Prince's musical journey with great orchestral elements extended throughout this instrumental remix. The voice-over (played by Lianne La Havas), adds some insight to the album, asking Prince if he has enjoyed his adjustment to the new age and encouraging him to stay optimistic about himself. Not much else to say here. This is a great way to close the album and it gets an A.

So that was Art Official Age. Overall, I give it an A. Like Purple Rain, this album shows that despite some minor bumps on the road, Prince is able to still groove out like he did in his older days and keep up with the times, blending new styles of music such as EDM and minimalist R&B with his signature funk, keeping that classic Minneapolis Sound charm. It is a great note for Prince to go out with, showing that even in the darkest of his times, he is still able to maintain his youthfulness and his maturity, creating an excellent record showing aspects of his life such as his maturity, relationship problems, and partying skills. Prince, I sincerely hope your music is remembered by future generations as you have been responsible for inspiring other aspiring musicians to follow their dreams. Rest In Peace.

Favorite Tracks - Way Back Home, The Gold Standard, This Could Be Us, Time, Art Official Cage, Clouds

Least Favorite Track - FunkNRoll (Joshua Welton Remix)

The album is available on:

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/1xRg9g9QCGjFp9poxLnU5M
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/art-official-age/id911631220
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/music/album/Prince_ART_OFFICIAL_AGE?id=Bjprj7i5o2cdnsw3czo2txvjcvu&hl=en

Peace!